Compassion Fatigue Solutions

By Leo Babauta, author of the book "From Zen to Done"
Go see his website: www.zenhabits.net


“Activity conquers cold, but stillness conquers heat.” ~ Lao Tzu

It’s a bias of our culture that stillness is regarded as lazy, as being stuck in inaction, as a negative.

It’s not. It’s an action, and a powerful one.

What’s more, it can change your day, and in doing so change your life.

You’re in the middle of a frazzled day, swamped by work and meetings and emails and interruptions, or hassled by kids and phone calls and errands and chores.

You pause. Stay still for a minute, and breathe. You close your eyes, and find a stillness within yourself. This stillness spreads to the rest of your body, and to your mind. It calms you, centers you, focuses you on what you’re doing right now, not on all you have to do and all that has happened.

The stillness becomes a transformative action.

Stillness can be a powerful answer to the noise of others. It can be a way to push back against the buzz of the world, to take control. It can remind you of what’s important.

How to Practice
Stillness, oddly, doesn’t come naturally to many people. So practice.

1. Start your day in stillness. Whether it’s sitting with a cup of coffee as the world awakes, or sitting on a pillow and focusing on your breath, stillness is a powerful way to start your day. It sets the tone for things to come. Even 5-10 minutes is great.

2. Take regular stillness breaks. Every hour, set an alarm on your computer or phone to go off. Think of it as a bell that rings, reminding you to be still for a minute. During this minute, focus first on your breathing, to bring yourself into the present. Let the worries of the world around you melt away — all that is left is your breath. And then let your focus expand beyond your breath to your other senses, one at a time.

3. When chaos roars, pause. In the middle of a crisis or a noisy day, stop. Be still. Take a deep breath, and focus on that breath coming in, and going out. Find your inner stillness and then let your next action come from that stillness. Focus on that next action only.

Let stillness become your most powerful action. It could change your life.

“Through return to simple living Comes control of desires. In control of desires Stillness is attained. In stillness the world is restored.” ~ Lao Tzu

That's me, baking Christmas cookies...I realised a few years ago that I am a bit of a cookie tyrant around this time of the year as the cookies are gifts for the guitar teachers, caregiver etc. My family sometimes ask "can we have one little cookie?" and I glare at them and say: "maybe, once I've made all the gifts, you can have the broken ones." Nice, eh? Now I am aware that this is not a lovely trait of mine. So this year I'm going to make a second batch just for them...

I am taking a few weeks off with my family. I will post again in January (likely January 11th or thereabouts). Thank you for your readership this year. I wish you and your loved ones a peaceful and restful holiday season.

Françoise

Whether or not we have children returning to school, many of us make resolutions in September. They often have to do with our lifestyle: to eat more fruit and vegetables, to sign up for a class, to go to the gym more often, to make menus and plan for the week ahead, etc.

Some of these resolutions become incorporated in our lifestyle, and others quickly fall by the wayside because they were either unrealistic, too ambitious or we got caught up in the busyness of life again and ran out of time. (Or, the therapist in me would suggest, we have not yet done the necessary emotional prep work to make this change possible.)

Suggested Activity:
Before the Fall gets too hectic, I would like to invite you to take a few minutes today to take stock of one of the following areas of your life:

Physical health
Physical exercise
Clutter
Finances

There are many other good categories we could explore, but this will do for today.

Take a blank sheet of paper and a pen (or your laptop) and select the first category that jumps out at you. Write this category down at the top of your sheet. Now, write down whatever thoughts or words come to your mind in reaction to this category. For most of us, these initial jots will likely be negative or "shoulds" e.g.: Physical health - haven't been to doctor in three years, back is sore, worried about mole on back, etc.

Write as many items down as can fill a sheet. Now turn the sheet over and write down all the positives about that category - your strengths or things that you have improved on.

Once you have written as many things as you can, have a think about one micro-movement you could make towards improving that area of your life. Micro-movements are a concept put forth by SARK in her book Make your Creative Dreams Real. It can be as small as you want. Examples would be: "I will book a doctor's appointment by the end of the month", "I will eat one more fruit per day starting tomorrow", "I will clean out one drawer in my messy office on Friday".

Once you have this mini resolution, write it down in your daytimer, agenda or calendar. To make this resolution even more solid, ask a friend of yours to be your accountability buddy or, if you want, you can post your commitment on this blog (it can be anonymous) in the comments section.

I am quite pleased with my own Fall resolution: I decided to delegate lunch making in my home. My children now make their own lunches - I still make the sandwich and they do everything else. I'm not sure how I ended up winning the easiest job but they both seemed really pleased with themselves when I said "ok, I'll do the sandwich and you do the three peanut-free, garbage free snacks which includes having to rummage through the plastic container cupboard in a futile search for the corresponding lid. Ok?" So I have now gained a full thirty minutes each morning (yes, that is how long it was taking me, don't ask, I don't know why, but it was).

Have fun with the resolution and make it realistic and achievable.

(free photo from Pediant, wikicommons)

I am going to be posting off and on this summer. I will not be posting every Sunday as I have been doing for the past year and a half but rather going to "summer hours". To receive information about new posts, I invite you to subscribe (see left column of the blog). You will then receive an email notification once I post again.

I am spending most of July working half time. I am able to do this thanks to an "x over y" plan that teachers are familiar with: you save part of your monthly salary each month in order to be able to take time off later. Being self employed offers no benefits, no unemployment insurance and no job security whatsoever, but it does offer the flexibility of being able to work or not work as you decide.

So I am spending the month dealing with home improvement projects that have been lingering for years (that darned basement..., the leaky taps, the paint jobs that have been waiting, many trips to the local charity dropoff and Habitat for Humanity to get rid of all the clutter that we have accumulated, god knows how.)

I am also simply taking time to enjoy the all too brief summer we have in this part of the world. One of the things I most enjoy is to bike down to the shores of lake Ontario and go watch the windsurfers on Richardson beach. This is nearly olympic-level surfing - a very wild patch of the lake, and I love watching them fly in the air and flip themselves around. I like to pretend to myself that I too, have the upper body strength and the skill to be there with them (I don't doubt my abilities to do other things, such as run a half marathon, but I seriously doubt my capacity to windsurf on this crazy lake! But it's fun to dream...)

I hope you have some time to breathe this month, and are able to carve out a bit of time for you.

photo from http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

You may already be familiar with the benefits of decluttering and simplifying your home and work environments. In the past few years there have been several popular TV shows and books on the topic (The show "Clean Sweep", Julie Morgenstern's book "Organizing from the Inside Out", Patrick Fannings "The 50 Best Ways to Simplify Your Life: Proven Techniques for Achieving Lasting Balance" to name a few.) which all argue that getting rid of clutter is a great way to take control over our health and reduce stress in both our home and work life.

Our environment impacts us in many different ways - working with a supportive, positive colleague can make a highly stressful and demanding work environment much easier. Being unable to find any of the forms you need in a messy office can turn a simple task into a very stressful, blood pressure elevating exercise.

I have experienced first hand the benefits of getting rid of clutter and getting organised: when my living space is organised, I feel calmer, more serene. But I also know that when life is hectic, I often don't have the time or energy to get organised and the vicious cycle settles in: too tired to put thing away where they belong, frustrated because I can't find what I need, too frazzled to look properly etc.

Therefore, I am always on the lookout for new simple strategies that can be easily woven into the life of a busy person who works full-time and has young children at home. Here are some simple suggestions and resources:

Five minutes to being clutter-free:

Put 5 minute decluttering activities in your day timer. Cleaning all the drawers in your kitchen likely feels like an overwhelming (and rather unappealling) task. But what about cleaning one drawer out? You could likely do that while talking on the phone with a friend. I often schedule simple 5 minute activities in my daytimer. Example from last week:
Monday: "throw 2 curtains in the wash"
Wednesday: "clean out 1 kitchen drawer"
Friday: "clean bathroom cabinet"
Saturday: "clean one window"

And so on. Notice that I don't have a decluttering activity scheduled each day. These small activities make me feel that I am "taking care of the to do list" yet never facing a gigantic chore which will increase the likelihood of procrastinating and putting it off.

A useful resource is the Get Organized Now website. It is a neat site that offers a monthly calendar of small activities to help you get organised. I don't personally follow the schedule but I signed up for the newsletter and get a monthly notice that there are new ideas and strategies.

Create a sanctuary - Focus on one space in your home
Another approach is to focus on one space in your home and make it clutter-free and serene. If you have young children, it may be impossible to get all the clutter out of the shared living space. Instead, can you focus on one area, say your bedroom or a little nook in the house and make it yours?

If you would like to read more on this topic, I recommend visiting Leo Babauta's website Zen Habits: Zen habits and Cheryl Richardson's book "Take Time for your Life."


Take 10 minutes per day to breathe
If you work in a stressful and hectic work environment, it is important to build in some simple strategies to decompress at the end of your day. I suggest you find 10 minutes in your day where you will be undisturbed: whether it is sitting in your car before heading home, on the subway with your ipod plugged in, or when you get home. If you are easily distracted and have difficulty spending 10 minutes sitting undisturbed, I recommend you purchase a simple breathing or relaxation cd or download a track from itunes. I suggest: Dr Mark Berber's "Creating Inner Calm" cd, available at Chapters/Indigo and on itunes "Encres de chine" by Fabrice Tonnellier and meditations with Dr Siddarth Ashvin.

My friend Robin is a solution-focused coach who works with individuals who want help dealing with life transitions, who feel stuck and want guidance in moving forward in their personal and/or professional lives. She is also a compassion fatigue specialist and enjoys working with helpers who need extra help in figuring out how to juggle the dance of burnout, compassion fatigue and life.

This week, I want to invite you to go read Robin's 21 day challenge to accomplishing a goal. Here is a quote from her first of 21 posts:

21 days to a new you! Wanna play?
by ROBIN on OCTOBER 21, 2008

Scientists agree that real behaviour change takes about 21 days. Do you have a goal that you want to reach, or take a big bite from? I know that many of you want coaching but worry that you can’t afford it right now. Why don’t you play along with me as I set out to break an old habit or form a new one in 21 days? I’ll provide tips, strategies and motivation and you can let me and the others know how you are making out, where you are stumbling and how you stay on track. You can remain anonymous or you can post to the message board and use your journey to inspire others.

I haven’t decided yet when we will get started, so get in touch if you want me to let you know when the 21 day revolution will begin! Send your email to robin@lifeinspired.ca (don’t use the contact page from the website until we get it up and running again).

No goal too big or too small…Come and play."

Robin Cameron

Link: www.lifeinspired.ca

I subscribe to Cheryl Richardson’s weekly Life Makeover newsletter (www.cherylrichardson.com) and found her latest post very touching.
I was given permission to reprint it here:


Topic of the Week - Lessons of Loss

Yesterday Michael and I attended the memorial service of a good friend's
dad who died suddenly while helping a neighbor with a project at his home.
The service was moving and sad and inspiring all at the same time. Of
course his family and his loved ones are reeling from their unexpected
loss. As I wrote about last week, there's nothing more painful than
losing someone you love.

As difficult as a memorial service or funeral may be, there's always the
gift of being reminded of what really matters -- the connection we share
with one another. During the service I was struck by a few things.
First, there were sides of this man that some of us knew nothing about.
He was a generous soul who volunteered his time in prisons and at drug
rehab centers, he helped build homes for Habitat for Humanity, and he was
always ready to lend a hand to anyone in need. As I listened to his son
(and our friend), Jonathan, talk about his father's legacy, I thought
about my own dad. A week earlier, my parents had visited, and as I spent
time talking with my dad about the early years of his life, I was amazed
to discover things about him I never knew. I thought to myself, "There's
a deep well of experience and wisdom inside this man and I want to know
more." Imagine what you may not know about the loved ones in your life.

Jonathan's dad gave his grandchildren the greatest gift any grandparent
could give -- the gift of his time. At one point during the service,
several grandchildren got up to read pieces they had written about their
grandpa. It was heartbreaking and telling. While a couple of children
shared memories of receiving a favorite toy or being taken for an ice
cream, what mattered most was the amount of quality time their grandpa
shared with them. He took them for walks in the woods, sang songs with
them while driving in the car, and took them to the beach to search for
treasures along the shore. Not one child said that he or she would miss
the ice cream or toys. They wanted more time with him. I left thinking
about who I'd want more time with if they were suddenly gone.

I didn't know our friend Jonathan's father very well, but by the end of
the memorial service I wished I had. And that's the point. Saying
goodbye to someone is the wrong time to wish you'd spent more time with
them. "Right now" is all we have to share with one another. As much as I
hate the sorrow that comes with saying goodbye, I feel grateful for the
gift -- the reminder to spend quality time with those who matter most.

I share this gift with you today...


~*~ Take Action Challenge ~*~

Stop for a moment and think about who you'd regret not spending time with
if he or she were suddenly gone. Then, pick up the phone and set a date
to talk, to visit, or to spend some good quality time together.


Life Makeover for the Year 2008(sm) is written and produced by
Cheryl Richardson.© Copyright 1999-2008 Cheryl Richardson, P.O.
Box 13, Newburyport, MA 01950, www.cherylrichardson.com. All
rights reserved. Used with permission.